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Jan 5, 2004
Stress management on the farm
Things just aren't the same down on the farm. (Humor)



All this recent talk about Mad Cow Disease has me worried that our nation's herds are either mistreated or they're not given proper anger management skills down on the farm.

It's been reported that one dairy cow found out she was destined to the packing house and began to get angry. I'd get angry too if I knew I was on my way to being the patty part of a Twoallbeefpattiesspecialsaucelettucecheesepicklesonionsonasesameseedbun™ sandwich.

And all the reporting in late December '03 has been about the one dairy cow who was mad, but they keep saying 10,000 pounds of beef have been recalled in 8 states. Does this mean that a couple of T-bones went to Idaho, the brisket went to Nevada, a roast went to Washington State and all the ground chuck went to Oregon, California, Arizona, Montana and Hawaii? Does one cow go this far once the brain and spine have been removed and sold to feed lots in a dozen or so other states?

Will cows stop being mad if we quit feeding them body parts of their cousins, mothers, brothers and uncles? It seems to me our herds will be peaceful and content if they eat grain, the whole grain and nothing but grain. If the greedy packing industry continues feeding cow brains to other cows we're always going to have mad cows. We all know that pent-up anger leads to disease. Unless, of course, we develop some anger management classes down on the farm, and fast!

More farm related news

Meanwhile, federal homeland security officials have notified the publishers of The Old Farmers Almanac that they now believe terrorists will use the book's data to help plan attacks. The federal agency also sent a message to more than 18,000 police agencies telling them to be on the lookout for people who are in possession of the almanac. Being down on the farm just ain't what it used to be!

Orange Alert!

Finally, I've heard many people say they go on about their normal daily routines when the federal government raises the national security index from Elevated, or Yellow, to High, or Orange. Not my dad! Says he, "When it's the yellow alert I'll walk twenty paces then stop to look behind me to see if anyone's following me. When we raise the alert to orange I walk only ten paces to look behind me. Better safe than sorry!"

Contributed by:
Mark Brennaman
©2003 by Mark Brennaman. All Rights Reserved
Email: mark@witwords.com
Website: Wit Words